I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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