dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Randomize
