my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
