All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
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