It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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