My hair reeks of homosexuality.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
