All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
