I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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