Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
