The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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