I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
