Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
