It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I wish i was in the wii world.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
