Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
