I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
You were trust falling into bushes
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
