Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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