How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
