she smelled like a LAN party
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
