I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
