when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
