I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Someone stole a lamp last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize
