I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
