but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
