you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
