Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
