it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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