My cat gives me a boner
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
