Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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