hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
