Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
