I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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