The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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