remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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