Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
