I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize
