You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
