It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
