Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
