Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
