Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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