Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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