I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
