so let's talk penis.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Randomize
