would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
