I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
