I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
