She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
