your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
