my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
