Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
50% drunk capacity currently
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
