do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
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