No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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